apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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