yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
