Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
