Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
