Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
