You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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