Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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