and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
