Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
