3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
