I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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