I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
