She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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