Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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