I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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