Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
