Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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