Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I have demons in me.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
