Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
