She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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