i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
worst night to have a conscience
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
