Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
