i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
