Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
