You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
