i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
