Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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