So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
