Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
