No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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