Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
