That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
