Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
