First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
