My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
