My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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