I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
