Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
