When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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