ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize