she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im six kinds of drunk right now
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize