it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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