You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
