and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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