mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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