You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
