Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
