I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
