please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
