when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You're like the curious george of whores
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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