i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
