when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
