Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize