How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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