the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
