I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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