I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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