all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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