Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
