Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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