Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
